"God and Your Parents: Why Your Childhood Matters" Talk @ CBC SATX on Jan 9, 2024

“God and Your Parents: Why Your Childhood Matters” 

Ask the Doc Event, January 9, 2024

Community Bible Church, San Antonio, TX

It was an honor to speak again at the CBC Ask the Doc event. In this talk, I relate mental health concepts under Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Attachment theory with our life timeline. I also utilize the concepts to understand Moses, a biblical character, and study how God, as a parent figure, responds to Moses’ mental health issues. I hope this message gives you hope. 

#mentalhealth #spirituality #Christianity #God #life #support #love #hope #encouragement #healing

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Follow-up exercise chart “How was your childhood vs God as your parent”: here

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Transcript

Thank you so much for coming here. I'm very humbled and grateful. And this is my second time doing so Doc, I did it last year, and I had so much fun that I almost nudged and waited and told Denise, like, when is the next time that I get to do so doc? The reason why I ask the doc, as CBC is such a unique and exciting opportunity for me is because I think historically mental health world and spiritual realm did not mix well together, right? It was a lot like oil and water, you can shake it up. But historically, they just did not go along. One world didn't understand the other world, right? Historically, church said, emotions bad, don't trust your feelings, right? Or even nowadays, I think in church, they, you know, capture every thought captive and thought is bad, right. But I think if we understood one world, because God is a has a mind, he has emotions, he has behaviors and actions, right. And all the characters of the Bible are beings like us that have thought emotions and behaviors. And I think if we applied our understanding of mental health to the Bible, I think can really merge the two. And it can have a pretty groovy experience of really knowing the fullness of God. The reason why I'm so passionate to is that division within the church about accepting mental health issues or mental health in general, and not mixing the spiritual, you know, biblical perspective, I think is the biggest lie and a trap that the enemy has. Because you can't really experience God in a real way, you know, there's that chain that has to be broken to really understand God, that much deeper. So that's why I'm so passionate, to speak at churches or spiritual gatherings, because I think it is possible to understand God and feel God in a very intimate way, as intimate as our thoughts and emotions can be in our bodies. So that's our, that's my passion. And thank you so much for being here. Before I start, I just want to pray. Because I believe that I'm here for a reason. And I know that each of you guys are here for a reason. And God orchestrated everybody in the same room. And I know that I try my best, but I know that ultimately, God is author of this presentation. And he's the author of your life. And we're just meeting here. And I know that it's a divine holy place. So let me just pray. Dear God, thank you for this opportunity to really share who you have been in my life, through my past, present, and future. And I know that each one of us here has a story. And I know that you are there. I just hope that your love, grace and truth will help us discern where you were in our past, so that you can be with us in the present, so that you can be with us in the future. I created this presentation, I did my best. But ultimately, I know that you're gonna use it for your glory, and not mine. And I just pray that if there's anybody in this room, who is tired, who feels lonely, or confused, or maybe they're fine outside, but they're just really trying so hard to look okay, outside, I pray that this place becomes a safe place for them. So that when they hear my talk, that they will be seen and they'll be heard, and there'll be understood, and ultimately, that they feel and know that they can go to you. Bless His time together, and help us have fellowship and spiritual and mental intimacy together. In Jesus name I pray, amen. All right, so, today's objective, we're going to understand concepts of cognitive behavioral therapy and cognitive behavioral therapy is, you know, you'll see, when you talk to a therapist, you say CBT, ARP, all these, you know, alphabet soup of therapy, right? Cognitive Therapy. Behavioral Therapy, is one of most evidence based therapy and you can use it for PTSD or anxiety and depression. But under under the umbrella of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, or CBT, there's concepts of how to understand how our mind works, okay? And I'm going to be kind of trying to bring it to life those concepts for you. So so some of the concepts like cognitive triad, core belief, which is like our main
main topic here, and importance of parent child attachment to one's thoughts and perspectives. And to understand how our past especially our childhood affects our perception of God ourselves and the world. And we're gonna do a scripture case study of Moses. I'm not a professional Bible teacher, but I just want to read the Exodus with psychiatrists perspective and really extract some of the concepts in the Bible and see if it's true or not how it works. Okay. So this is a disclaimer, Denise kind of touched on it, this presentation is for information education and empowerment purposes. You know, for specific personal cases, you know, I would recommend that you go to your physician or mental health provider, and that our interaction and public speaking does not constitute a patient physician relationship. So, what is a cognitive triad? So, cognitive triad triad is a triangle, right. And in the in the each points, you will see thought behavior and emotions. And so you will see that the arrows go both directions, and three points, right. And just to emphasize that thoughts, and emotions and behaviors all have a chain reaction to each other in all the different ways. And a lot of times this cognitive triad is triggered by a situation like an event life event, okay, failing a test, getting a new job, you know, getting a new car, all these situations, triggers this wheel, and it's almost like it spins the wheel. Okay, so it spins. Now, I'm gonna give you an example. But you'll understand that this wheel spins like hundreds times a day, because each situation spins another child another try it and it's like continuous, okay? A lot of times, we don't even know that it's spinning. It's like, automatic knee jerk reaction. But it does spin. So let me kind of give you an example of how it spins. So, so let's say that you study for a test and you failed it, you tried your best, and you fail the test. So that's the situation that will trigger a cognitive trial, we'll spin. So scenario number one, let's say a person number one, have a thought, I study so hard, and I didn't get anything out of it. I'm a failure. And then emotions might be discouraged. ashamed. Right? mad, right? It will lead to the behavior of Screw this, I'm not going to study for any tests ever in my life. Right? And they're not interested in, you know, academics with this anymore. So that's the scenario number one. Okay, I've been there. I don't know if you've been there. Right. Okay, scenario number two, let's say that you study for the test really hard. And you still failed, right? But person number one can have, let's say, let's start with the emotion, they might be shocked and confused why they fail the test because they study so hard. But a thought could be, well, I try my best, and that matters more than the score. And then what will be the behavior? They're not gonna give up on everything, right? They might go to a teacher for extra help, like, go over the questions that they missed, and maybe go over the concepts. So with the same situation, you have completely different scenario, completely different behavioral outcome, right? And why is that? It's a core belief. Now, you might be wondering, what is a core belief. So core belief, definition wise, is a fundamental absolute and lasting comprehension that a person develops about him or herself, others in the world, constructed from the effort of extracting meaning from significant childhood or formative experiences, grouped into categories and form relatively stable cognition system, cognitive systems, which serve as a basis for processing and interpreting new information. So I underlined like the big ideas is a lasting impression that life events give you okay? So life events happen situations triggers a cognitive triad. And it kinda is like a Tetris blocks, right, it starts to pile up. So a bunch of experiences makes a lasting impression on who you are, who others are, and who the world what the world is. And this becomes a basis of interpreting new life events, are you guys kind of tracking? Okay? So it starts to become your core belief about yourself and your core. So this is how I like to kind of imagine you know, we talked about the wheel spins, right? Cognitive try out new situations, new life events, but it's like a spiral case, it has a direction, you can either you know, if you're using staircases example, you can go down or up. So core belief is almost like a magnetic pole, it has a gravitational pull towards where the cognitive triad is going to spin. And that's the difference between scenario number one and scenario number two with the same event. So scenario number one had a cognitive core belief that I'm a failure, and that's why one event automatically went to I'm a failure. What's the point? Right? So how does a core belief come to exist? We kind of talked about how our past experiences kind of affect our current you know, mindset and mind core belief. So when a patient comes to my office, they usually come in this point of their life, right? I mean, I do see kids too. But a lot of times, if you see the timeline, there's, you know, pregnancy, birth, childhood and earthly death. I just put a point there somewhere into adulthood, they're depressed, they're anxious, they're tired. They don't know what's happening. I mentioned Yeah, I emphasize earthly though.
Maybe it's because I'm a child psychiatrist, but I put a very heavy emphasis on childhood, because I do believe that core belief is true. So I always ask about their childhood, what happened? And even how did you feel at home? Right? Like, did you feel safe? If something bad happened? Can you go to your parents? All these questions kind of helps me kind of transport myself into their mind and that childhood? How did it feel? Right? Because understanding the childhood would help me understand what is their core belief kind of going to be? Okay. So let's just kind of take a hypothetical patient example. Let's say that after birth, the child had some kind of learning disability that was not, you know, visible outside, right, let's say that it was dyslexia or dyscalculia, or something. And they always did not do well, they were developmentally delayed, not past, you know, needing speech path, you know, like, having trouble at school. And they just didn't know why parents didn't really know what's going on. And because of this academic stress, and not feel failing, parents fought a lot because of the child, if this child goes through this kind of life events, is easy to kind of understand a child says, I'm stupid, there's something wrong with me. And I'm a burden because I'm causing my parents to fight all the time. Now, let's say that that child kind of grows up to be an adolescent by this time, let's say that the school caught up and diagnose dyslexia, but by then, maybe one too many failure, you know, one too many F's, and they're like, you know, what school is not for me, it's not fun. By now, dyslexia is diagnosed and schools helping but they're not interested. And then maybe the parent and teacher says, You're just lazy, you're not applying yourself, you're getting help, like, what? What more can we do for you? Right? Like some kind of tone, right? And maybe we sprinkle some bullying here, and they're getting made fun of that they're different or talking a little bit funny. And they go to their parents, and maybe parents respond, well, what did you do? You know, or, you know, like, what do you want, you know, we're tired or something like that, right? And they hear that, and in that adolescence, they lose interest in the success they have, they go to the parent for support teacher saying that they're lazy and stupid. You know. So what that core belief settles in again, a little bit harder, right? Concrete kind of hardens into, I'm stupid, right? And now, impression of the world is, nobody's gonna help me. Nobody's listening. No matter how hard I try, they're not gonna give me the benefit of the doubt. And those kind of core beliefs starts to cement and harden, you know, as a life goes on. So in those life events, can you kind of visualize how many cognitive trials spins, right? And then it starts to as it spins, there's a pool to have a core belief something about yourself and others, right? Now, how's that teenager gonna grow up? Right? If you have a core belief, I'm a failure, nobody listens to me, nobody cares. And nobody's gonna believe in me. They might have some successes. But it's interesting, because successes are not going to shine in their eyes. So much, the failure is going to seem bigger than the successes in their life. Right. And then every failure is going to be a reminder of what they believe about themselves. And it's interesting is twofold, right? Failure seems bigger, but also it's kind of like self sabotage. You know, because now you're seeing the evidence of your worst fear. And, and it kind of becomes like a dead end a lot of times, and then settles into hopelessness. Oh, see, this is why I'm a failure. This is why seeing like now my wife divorced me, you know, one person I trust left me right. Like, it's piles up now more evidence of what you actually believe than feared about yourself. And usually, that's kind of where the crisis happens. Okay. But I just want you to see that when patients kind of come to your or to my office, or when patients are depressed and anxious, it did not happen overnight. It didn't. And I want to just emphasize that it kind of starts from the past way past. So these are some of the common core beliefs that I see. I'm a burden I'm a failure real me is unlovable, right? So Bellamy's unlovable. So I'll have to make up something, you know, I have to kind of put on a mask, I can't trust anyone, I'm worthless, there's something wrong with me, people don't really care about me. These are very common core beliefs. Okay. And I want to just share a little bit about my life is kind of a mini testimony.
I grew up in a Christian church, but there was a lot of emphasis on being better, doing better, looking better. Right? So if I had adolescent acne, it was a big deal, right? And everybody will comment on it, I'll notice it. If I gain weight, it will be a big deal, right? certain size, like shoe size, or pant size, everything became a, a measure of comparison, you know, and if it was B plus, then there's a plus. Right? So there was not a lot of celebration, but continuous drive for perfection. And even with good intent. You know, I always thought that I was being measured, and I was never good enough, right? There's always somebody who's better than me. And because I'm, you know, I emigrated from Korea when I was 10. And I was older. So the three, so there was a lot of culture shock, you know, that kind of had to buffer right. And I was oldest to the three. And there was a lot of roles that I had to play in the family that was a little bit more supportive than my age appropriate roles, right. And it seemed as though the whole world was on my shoulder, right. And I felt like I was responsible for everything, right? And merge that to, there's always, I'm not good enough, I always have to aim for perfection. And I'm responsible for everything, just a lot of burden, right? I just kind of felt like, you know, I was never gonna be good enough. And, you know, I would like to say that in my life, there were some good moments too, there was a lot of success and achievements, but it's almost like a sunglasses, you can't really look through objectively, your life, when all these life events, kind of pause on you piles on you, and start to kind of change your core belief about yourself. And other people, you really can't really escape that, you know. So that spiral, a core belief is started kind of spiraling down, down and down and makes with kind of raising church. I don't know, if you guys are familiar, it's like, you know, being depressed as a choice, right? Suicide is selfish, right? Like, all these kinds of things, right? Tattoos are bad, and how dare you pierce your ears ready. Like, all these little things kind of added up, were slowly being raised at church with this kind of change. In my core belief, I started to interpret God in this way. My core belief and sunglasses started to see God this way, because that was how he was portrayed. That's what what he told me, you know, through the Bible, right? So this, this was my thought about God, when I was about, you know, 1516, you know, everything is my job, and I have to do it perfectly. There's no forgiveness, I have to prove myself. It's a burden to be God's child, because there's always more things to do, right, or things not to do. God really doesn't care about what I want to do. And God doesn't care what I think it all kind of spiraled down to core belief. And even at the moment, when I was 16, I just kind of told God, God, if you exist, the people who represent you, it's like, impossible, you know, and if this is you, I don't want anything to do with you. You know, like, it just seemed like a dis unforgiving, horrible boss, you know, who you get called to his office. And there's another stack of work to do. There's no good jobs, you know, there's no celebration, it's just more work to do. And I just didn't want to work for that guy. Right. So I was actually, I left church and I left golf for a year. And I'll kind of wrap it up, my testimony kind of comes back on what God did with that. But let me just kind of take a pause and talk about, you know, just like I talked about in my testimony, there's an importance of childhood, right, and the home interactions that you have, right, and let me kind of bring that in a little bit. So core belief, I think we understand the cognitive triad, I think we understand it. Now. How is that linked with parenting, like your home life? Okay. So detach this from a attachment theory, I don't know if you guys are familiar with that is kind of like a popular word now. So the psychoanalyst Bowlby had this attachment theory. And it's basically a little bit related to core belief, but the importance of the caregivers role in forming the core belief for the baby. So infants drawn experiences with the caregivers to develop internal attachment representations or working models of themselves and others in relationship, which shapes the expectations about future relationships, and its beliefs about whether others will be consistently available or not, and whether they will be responsive and caring or cold and rejecting beliefs about whether he or she was worth receiving love and care, and about the value of close relationships. So it just kind of adds another layer of the core belief formation, and the importance of the parent giver, right. But the interesting thing is, is that not only does it have a core belief in the baby's mind, but it actually shapes the sense of worth and value, right. So I just want to kind of pause here, we're gonna talk about attachment theory, but I want to share a trigger warning. I'm not sure if any one of you guys have kids. You know, if you're a parent, a lot of times when I give a talk like this, my first instinct is, I'm not a good parent. And this is reason why, right? Like attachment theory told me that I didn't do right when my kids, right. But I want to pause and really want you to just next 30 minutes talk about you, not as a parent. But as a child, I want you to go back to that little you. And we want to explore that little you. Because my guess is that little you didn't get a lot of attention and reflection. So if it is possible, I want you to kind of think about the little you and your childhood, not your kids childhood. Okay, we can assess that later. But first, we need to honor little you. Okay. So this is an ideal parenting a child needs to have secure attachment. So this diagram, you know, the two hands in there is kind of parents, there's open and just I passed her SS is open hand to surrender and receive right. And it represents a secure base and safe haven for the kids. Now, I'm remembering back in my newborn days, newborns are completely attached, right attached for everything. But as the baby starts to grow, they need to explore and be somewhat practice their independence, right. So as a parent is going to be staying as a secure base, but it's going to support the exploration and independence of the baby, right? And watch them make sure that they're safe. Delight in their independence and exploration. Help them as they need it. And then just really celebrate. And let's say that that kid is dangling from the tree, listen to the kids false, right, and his hits on their butt, right? And then if there's pain, and they need to run back to the mom, right, and mom or dad has to receive them welcome, Lee. And some of the important points is to protect me comfort me, delighted me and organize my feelings. And it's a safe place. So good falls comes back is comforted, they go out right. And the older they get, they go further and further and further, right. This safe haven and secure base is an ideal parenting availability. Consistency attentiveness is interesting, though, because let's go back to our hypothetical patient's life. And they're underneath I kind of drew an arrow there your earthly caregivers influence. So now we know what the ideal parenting is, and how important that is in forming the core belief. Now let's let's take this life, let's say that they still have dyslexia. But what if that earthly parent was like, Hey, don't measure your worth with that. Right? What you don't know, we'll figure it out. I'm with you. Versus I don't know what's wrong with you, you know, like, why don't you get this right? To parents influences can really shape the core belief. So I put the arrow there because in the beginning,
the younger the child is more dependent, they are on parents interpretations, right. And organizations have their core beliefs, but it kind of fades away. But I said the influence kind of fades away. But now we know that core belief once is formed, the childhood is really hard to get rid of and reinterpret in adulthood, right? So this diagram kind of shows what would the the person in the adulthood life be like, based on what the parents did? Right? Even if the situations were the same, it could really be a very different scenario, just like the cognitive trial scenario that we compared, how the parent interpret and grounded child in life events, it can really make and break them. So if it is okay with you, I'm not a professional Bible teacher, but I do want to read Exodus and study Moses life. I'm gonna read some excerpts, okay. All right. So Exodus one, eight. So now there arose a new king over Egypt, who did not know Joseph, and he said to his people, behold the people of Israel too many and too mighty for us. Come, let us deal shrewdly with them, lest they multiply and if the war breaks out, they join our enemies and fight against us and escape the land. So therefore, they set this taskmasters over them and afflict them with heavy burdens. They built for Pharaoh to store cities Pithom and Ramzes. And the more they were oppressed, the more they multiplied. Verse 13, I'm just going to kind of skip over four they ruthlessly made the people of Israel work as slaves and made their lives bitter and with hard service, wood, mortar and brick, and in all kinds of work in the field, and all their work. They ruthlessly made them work. Yes, slaves. And then later the king of Egypt says, He commands a Hebrew midwives to kill the boys that are born to the Hebrew wives, right. But the midwives didn't, right, they made an excuse and they didn't kill the boys. And verse 22, then Pharaoh commanded all his people. So all the Egyptians are now getting this, you know, command, every son that is born to Hebrews, you shall cast into denial, but you shall let every daughter live. So this is a place of So Moses was born in the era of slavery, and genocide. This is not really the safe place to be a baby, or be a Hebrew, in that matter. So now a man from the house of Levi went and took it, to guess why of a Levite woman, the woman conceived and bore a son. And when she saw that he was a fine child, she hid him for three months, when she could hide him no longer she took for him a basket. And we know this, you know, like we he made the basket, and the sister follow them to see what's done to him. And the daughter of Pharaoh came down to bathe in the river while while her young women tucked beside a walk beside the river. So she saw the basket. And she opened it, it was a child, and behold, the baby was crying, she took pity on him and said, This is one of the Hebrews children. And then a sister popped out and said, Oh, shall I go and call you a nurse from a Hebrew woman to nurse a child for you? And Pharaoh's daughter said to her go, so the girl went and called the child's mother, and their Pharaoh daughter said to her, take this child away and nurse him for me, and I will give you your wages. So the woman took the child and nursed him. And the when the child grew older, she brought him back to Pharaoh's daughter, and he became her son. And she named him Moses, because she said, I drew him out of the water. So I'm gonna just kind of put my psychiatrists, goggles on and just kind of tell you what I see. Okay. So he was a fine child, that word fine is good. Like, there's no deformities, and the child is the same good as when God created the world, God said it was good. So there's no deforming in the child, he was hidden until he couldn't be hidden anymore. And I don't know about you. But when I had my baby, it was a moment of celebration, it was not moment to hide and suppress, you know, and I'm just kind of thinking of the baby's cry, you're like, you know, like, don't don't make loud noises. And again, this is not a safe time. And the baby's birth was actually a risk for the whole family, the baby was born and it created a safety risk for the whole family. And then, when the Pharaoh's daughter, you know, sent him away with the biological mom is interesting, too, because, so she was nursed with mom. And she got paid for it, which is an interesting detail on the Bible. Right? So mother's love, there's money to it, not saying that Moses will kind of against her, but that's a little bit not natural, right? And then transplanted back to the affairs household. So Moses, childhood is a lot of moving around, there's no consistency, there's no home. You know, it's biological mom, nurse you but now she sent you away, like, How is the child supposed to interpret that? And, you know, they Moses by Pharaoh's daughter, and the word Moses means drawn out of the water rescued? What if your name was adopted? rescued? Right, fostered. That was his name. I'm gonna kind of skip forward. Okay, so that's his childhood. Okay, maybe Moses was too young to remember to formulate his own core beliefs. But that was a background of his birth and childhood. Okay. But what the Bible says later about Moses, and the choice of words that Bible has is very interesting as well. So I'm going to continue with chapter 211. So one day when Moses has grown up, he went out to his people and looked on their burdens. So this is very interesting to me because he now grew up in a Pharaoh's household, but he identify with Israelites. How did he know that he's an Israelite? Maybe he was made pretty clear that he was an Israelite being raised in a Pharaoh's household. Do you understand that? So he was adopted, but not really adopted as their own. It was adopted to give you shelter and food and clothing, but his identity was made known clear, you're not one of us, right? So he's on Egyptian beading, the Hebrew one of his people he looked this way. dot and see no one he struck down to Egyptian and hit him in the sand. And then he went out the next day, behold, two Hebrews were struggling together. And he said to the man in the wrong, why do you strike your companion? He said, Who made you a prince and a judge over us? Do you mean to kill me as you kill the Egyptian? There, Moses was afraid, I thought, surely the thing is no. And when Pharaoh heard of it, he sought to kill Moses. But Moses fled from Pharaoh and stayed in the land of Midian, when he stepped down by the wealth, so he empathize with his people. This is who he identifies with, right, growing up with affluence, you know, that they didn't have, but he still had compassion for them. He tries to help them out, right? By killing the Egyptian right? killing a person with that strike kind of tells me maybe he hasn't built in anger, right. That's a big strike. But he tried to help out his people that he identified with the next day, he tries to help out his people again. But now they scorn him. They reject Him. They're like, Who do you think you are? You're in the Pharaoh's house. You don't know us? You don't identify with us. Right? Are you gonna kill me too? So his intention to help his identity, tea with them? Right, is all rejected by his own people that he thought he could relate. He thought he could help. Let me just say, were there any times in your life that you tried to help out people, and they completely missed it, Mr. Hart? So get away like, you're no help you're, you're a burden. This is what Moses felt, and which is really interesting, too. So then everything found out and a pharaoh when he heard of it, he sought to kill Moses. So this kind of makes me think. So he grew up in a Pharaoh's household by when he found out that his Pharaoh found out that his family member killed an Egyptian taskmaster, the death of the taskmaster is more important than somebody in his whole own household, that kind of emphasize again, even in that household, Moses was pretty, it was pretty clear that Moses was not one of the Egyptians. Do you understand that? So do you understand the tension in the childhood, the setting, how he was raised inside the Pharaoh's house right now is starting to make sense, right. And now, Moses fled, both his adoptive family, his biological, cultural family, he has nowhere else to go. So the next, you know, chapter or so is a back and forth between Moses and God. And this is when you'll find Moses core belief pop out, and I'm gonna point them out to you because and then it will start to make sense from what we extrapolated from his childhood and upbringing. Just a pointer here. So he ran away. And then he went to
land in Midian. Right? And then he helps out a girl, the shepherd girl, and then the father's like, Oh, you're so back early, like how come? And then she says, Oh, this just Egyptian helped us. So it's like, for me is interesting. It's like, oh, he's an Israelite, raising the Egyptian family and the outsider thinks he's an Egyptian. So he's kind of mixed, right? He's not really identified with either the shepherds came, and the father of rules said, What are you doing? Invite him, right? This is the first time that Moses was invited to anything, and that he settled there. and Mexico. Okay, interesting life history, right? It's the first time that he was welcomed. So now Moses is keeping the flock for his father. And let's This is chapter three, Jethro, the priest of Midian. And he led the flock in the west side in the wilderness, and he saw see sees a burning bush. And he's like, Oh, what's going on there? Let me just take a peek. When the Lord saw that he turned aside to see. So the Lord is paying attention to Moses. That's what parents do. You're attentive? Oh, yep, I know what he's doing. Let me go to him, right. And God, call to him, out of the bush, Moses, Moses, and he said, Here I am. And then he said, Do not come near to take your sandals off your feet, for the place on which you're standing is a holy ground. And he said, I am the God of your father. First time that he claimed your father, you have a place you have a family and your mind. Do you understand that God of Abraham got Isaac and got a Jacob and Moses hit his face where he was afraid to look at God. And then the Lord said, you know, I hear the I see it and hear the affliction of people who are in Egypt, and heard their cry because of their Pat taskmasters. And I'm going to skip kind of forward to verse nine. And now behold, the cry of people as zero has come to me. And I've also seen the oppression with which the Egyptians oppressed them. Come, come, I will, I will send you to Pharaoh, that you may bring my people the children of Israel out of Egypt. So you see already God being the parent that he never had. He's paying attention. He calls to him. Come, Moses never heard come. Right. I will send you. And it's interesting that Moses replies, Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the children of Israel out of Egypt? Who am I? I'm nobody. Everybody rejected me. The people rejected me. So who am I right? But God says, but I will be with you. Right? Just like when a child is scared or feeling not confident to something, parents says, I'll be with you. I'll go, let's do this together, right. And this shall be the sign for you, that I have sent for you. So there is a back and forth and God starts giving Moses promises and multiple signs to prove that he is from God. And he says, You shall serve God on this mountain. This is your home, this is your secure base, you will come back to me and you will be with me. Right? And then but it's interesting, right? This, this kind of shows you how stubborn and lasting core belief is because Moses will continue. So imagine you're talking to God with this burning bush. He's giving you signs right like your hand has leprosy. Now it doesn't your stick transistor snake. And now it's not right. And you're but this is how sticky core belief is. And then Moses answered papi hold they will not believe me or listen to my voice, for they will say the Lord did not appear to you. People don't listen to me, God. Right? They don't trust me. They don't trust my intentions. They don't know where I'm from. Right? And then the verse, chapter four, verse eight, if they will not believe you, or listen to you from the first sign, then they'll believe the latter sign. So God keeps on giving him proofs that this is a seal that you're with me. But chapter four, verse 10, by Moses to the Lord, oh, my Lord, I'm not eloquent, either in the pass, or since you have spoken to the servant, for I'm slow and speech of tongue. I'm not, you know, I'm not the man for the job, I can't do it. You know, I think you got the wrong guy, right. And then God says to him, who made the man's mouth who made me what, who makes him mute deaf or seeing or blind is not I the LORD. And this is when God says, I'm the parent, you're the child. I'm bigger than you. I can do this through you. So now therefore go and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall speak. So I'll literally be there with you and teach you every single word that has to come out of your mouth. But Moses says, But he said, Oh, my Lord, please send someone else. I got it, you get I got your point. But I still don't want to do it. Right. And then the anger of the Lord was kindled against Moses. And this is when the parents can rejoice that being angry with your kid is not a sin. God was angry with Moses. And if you look at the anger, it means nostril, like how many times to get met with your kid that your nostril starts flaring, right? And is there not Aaron, your brother, the Levite? I know that he can speak well, behold, he's coming out to meet you. And this is interesting as a psychiatry perspective, because so when biological mother nursed him transplanted them back to Pharaoh, right? I'm guessing that he didn't know where his biological family was, because God is connecting Aaron and Moses back together, you know, so they're gone. So now, Moses had literally no group of family members around, but God is bringing together and sometimes God does this. And God usually does this, where you're not gonna be just supported by me, but I'm gonna bring someone else in your life. He always connects people, because he knows that there's a power of sense of belonging, and fellowship. Amen. And you know what, when he sees you, he will be glad in his heart. For the first time, or maybe the second time another human being was glad to see him, right. And you shall speak to him and put words in his mouth, and I'll be with your mouth, and with his mouth. And we'll teach both of you what to do. This is very interesting to me, too, because a lot of times, we think God is going to choose somebody that's more competent than me. Aaron is obviously more competent than Moses to speak. But God doesn't forget that he chose Moses. God doesn't choose you out of your qualities and strengths. He chooses you because you're you. And he doesn't forget that order. And he doesn't forget the choice because he shall speak to you. He shall speak for You to the people, he shall be your mouth, and you shall be as God to Him. God never forgot that he chose Moses. He did not say, oh, okay, fine, you don't want to do it, forget it, I'll just choose Aaron, he'll be glad to do it. He likes speaking anyways, he does not do that. He says, I'm choosing you. And this is what God's mission is. He wants to go to your heart, take out the core belief and replace it with His grace and truth. That was a whole point of this back and forth. God was angry with Moses, he was annoyed with Moses, because that core belief was so stinking stubborn. But God did not give up. Because God wanted to change Moses, his core belief. He saying, God is saying, You are mine, I came for you come to me, I'm with you. I will prove that your mind you and I will be together serving together in this mountain, I'll continue to claim and prove to the unbelievers and haters that you are mine. Multiple miracles, and blessings and anointings are on your way to prove that God is with you. I am able I will teach you and guide you. I care about what you do and say, and it can affect me emotionally. And this is a point that I wanted to kind of say, you know, when God's anger is kindled with his people, a lot of times, you know, they say, Well, God said, you know, God is slow to anger. Why does he get angry? Is because we have power, and we have intimacy with God. God cares about what we do and say about him. Now that my kids are a little bit older, they say things like, I hate you, mommy. Right? Sometimes I'm like, okay, whatever. But sometimes it hits differently.
Right? So I'm like, Why did you say that? Right? And I guess that,
I guess that and I get mad. And my emotional reaction is, it has nothing to do sometimes with my lack of control with my emotions. It shows me that I care about what he thinks about me. And this is exactly what God's anger is, he cares about what you think about him, you will not only have my support, but others support, you're still chosen to do this job. And I still choose you, even if you're less qualified, even if you don't want to do it. I choose you. So let me kind of go back to these events. And let me just kind of ask you to think about your childhood events. What if God went to your heart and your past? And each life moments that shaped your core belief? What if he starts interpreting it his way? And he starts putting his truth and love in every single event? What would happen to your present core belief today? And testimony of my life? I told you that around age 16 and 17, you know, I kind of gave up on God and His people, right people that represented him. And I said, No, you're a horrible boss, like, I'm too tired, right? So I left. But I stayed around age 17. And what he did in my life was, as my earthly caregivers influence, and my core beliefs started to kind of tease apart, he started to rewrite my core belief. And what he did to me through help with therapy and support, supportive relationships that he gave me, he went back to the past, and started rewriting and reinterpreting my life events. So that is not the direction and gravitational pull changed is not to, I'm a burden, and I have to be perfect. You know, I'm never good enough. It changed, you know. So I don't know if you noticed when I was praying is that this presentation is not perfect. But now I'm okay with it. Before me would have been like, oh, like, I have to do perfect wars and stuff. But now I know that God is my parent, just like he's gonna give me the words to say, and I might slip, I might stutter, it doesn't matter. And I have that freedom, because he wrote my core belief into I am enough, I showed up today. And that's good. And this attachment theory, I just want to encourage you that God is a perfect parent. Sometimes God gets interpreted not as this parent. Sometimes God gets interpreted into a Pharisee. You know, somebody that you couldn't go to, and somebody that you kind of have to perform, right? Somebody who watches over you like Santa Claus, right? Who knows who's nice and naughty, right? Who's on the good list and bad list. But I just want you to know that just like God wrestled with Moses, his core belief, he's more than willing to wrestle with your core beliefs. And he will rewrite your core belief to be I'm his child. And I just wanted to kind of emphasize two things. When God was rewriting my story, and I was still battling with this core belief of I'm not enough I still did outside churchy stuff. I still did InterVarsity Christian Fellowship at college. I still taught Bibles Studies, I still did a lot of things. But you know what was interesting. And I didn't know that I had this core belief because I said, Oh Bible says that Jesus saved me. So I'm his child, it was all head knowledge, right. And I was doing outside things. But you know, one interesting thing of how subtle and how deep the core belief is, is that one of my college friends, when I went to her bachelorette party, she told me, Eugene, you're not as angry as you were in college. So this is to you to say that core belief is deep, and it kind of surfaces up. And you might not even know it, you know, but it does have an effect. And it really takes a lot of effort and support a safe space and therapy to really dig like what's really going on in here. You might not even know, like surface level. And the second thing that I wanted to say is just because your core belief is getting rewritten to be I'm his child, doesn't mean that bad things are not going to happen. You might still struggle with depression, you might still struggle with, you know, alcoholism, you might still have anger issues, just like me, right? I was angry, and I was getting rewritten. I had no idea what the problem was. But you will still have problems. But the beauty of it all is, where's your secure base? Where's your safe haven? That's what it's all about? Yes, you'll explore and explore sobriety. And you might mess up, but you can always come back to him because he will always be there. And he will organize your thought, Hey, what happened is okay, you're still my child, and over and over again over mistakes and exploration and independence. He's you're gonna go back to him and he's gonna reorganize your thoughts, reorganize your emotions protect you, comfort you and delight in you. So my question to you is, is, you know, I know that everybody's kind of coming from different salvation background, you know, or different religious background or spiritual background. But are you open to letting God reparent you and shape your core belief. Thank you.